Hold Me In Your Arms
by coop511
Summary: And when she needs him the most, he keeps on walking away. Post 3x07.


I don't even know if this makes sense but it does in my head and it's been a while since I last wrote something and I'm not talking just about fanfics, I just couldn't find a way to express feelings properly. But the summer has been good to me and now it's amazing having tons of words flowing through my head again.

So this is it, hope you like it as much as I do. Sorry for any mistakes, English is not my first language.

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

* * *

**Hold me in your arms**

Her first thought is that her deepest dream will never come true so she might as well stop picturing a red haired little girl with the eyes of the man she has loved for most of her adult life.

Her second thought is to him and to how she's going to tell him _everything_, because she knows she owes him at least this, even if she's just his secretary, even if Stephen's ghost is still there, ever present in their interactions.

She wonders about his reaction, she knows he will care.  
It's just that, with everything that's happened in the last couple of months, they've been more distant than usual, and _this_ could only drive him further away.

But she's telling him first thing in the morning anyway.

It's Monday and he's been out all morning and it's almost lunch hour when he gets back at the office.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Not now Donna, can't you see I'm busy? And you should get back to work, too. I don't pay you to make small talks."

He's bitter and she knows something must have happened to make him behave like this because he cares about her and there's no way he would talk to her like that if he wasn't in a stressful situation.

She nods and goes back to her desk.  
Her _issue_ will have to wait, but it's not like she's dying today, so postponing doesn't seem a huge problem.

It comes out the stressful situation revolves around her because when Mike first and Jessica then pass by her cubicle and enter his office she can only hear laughs and she would kill to go inside and see that beautiful smile across his face but she just stays there, her hand gripping the desk, her knuckles turning white.

When the day is over she put her things aside and she goes to say goodbye.

He hears the door opening but his eyes remain fixed on the paper he's reading and he doesn't react to her words except for a simple 'okay' and she can't help but make him notice how he wasn't really that busy and how, just until 10 minutes ago, he was discussing sports with Mike.

She doesn't wait for an answer, she just rush away from the building.

She's quite sure everything will be okay tomorrow and they'll finally be able to talk and when her phone rings all she can think about is his voice and his smile and his eyes but the voice on the other side is an impersonal one and she's asked to go down to the hospital first thing in the morning.

Bad thoughts crowd in her head because she knows what _this_ is all about and she feels weak and lonely.  
"Can't we talk about it on the phone?"  
"The doctor thinks it would be better to talk to you in person to decide the best course of actions."

That's it. It's late and she lays awake in her bed because sleeping seems so irrelevant and she wants to call him and tell him everything.

He is the only one she wants to share this with so she picks her phone and press '1' on her speed dial.

Nobody answers.

She's two hours late for work but when she arrives there's just a pile of paperwork to greet her and Harvey doesn't seem to notice her presence.

She feels the need to talk to someone and cry because her life is moving towards _something_ she never saw coming and she is scared and not so brave to do that all by herself.

When Harvey gets out of his office and the few words he addresses her are all about work she thinks that she could always talk to her mom but it's Tuesday and she doesn't want to talk about _this_ on the phone so she'll just wait for the weekend and then she'll drive upstate.

Without realizing, she's just waiting for things between her and him to go back to normal, because it's him she needs.

It's Friday when things change.

She called her mom that morning telling her about her impending trip in her home city, she's going to pack her things when she gets back to the apartment and she'll leave early in the morning.

She's almost done for the day when Harvey's voice echoes through the intercom calling her name.  
She's frozen 'cause she somehow got used to his cold behavior so she definitely wasn't expecting this.

"Is something wrong?"

She stands there, right by the door, and she is unable to answer to his question, she finds out that the words she wants to say are so difficult to pronounce.

Her breath hitches in her chest when his eyes finally meet hers after days of isolation.

She aches because she just wants to tell him _everything_ and nestle to him like he is the one from which her life depends.

"I noticed you've been off all week. There's something you want to tell me?"

They stare at each other and she knows this is the moment she was expecting but dreading at the same time.

"I'm going upstate tomorrow." She blurts the first thing that comes to her mind, her voice one pitch higher.

"Okay." He nods but gets silent again figuring that's not the whole story.

She finds the nerve to keep talking.

"Did something happen between us? Because you've been cold towards me and maybe I did something stupid. And wrong. But it wasn't my intention and I apologize for whatever I've done. I really hope you and I can go back to what we were before all this, before Stephen. I miss you Harvey, you're my best friend and I need you in my life."  
She stresses her last words, she's now painting, like air didn't make to her chest while talking so fast.

"Oh Donna."

He covers his face with both of his hands, he knows she will not like what's coming next but he took a decision and there's no way he's going to change his mind.

"Zoe's back in the city and she heard about you and Stephen and about me beating the shit out of him. She thinks there's something more between us and I need to give this a real try because I like her a lot. So I think our relationship should be strictly professional from now on".

He watches her face fade, her eyes filling up with tears.

"Okay."

She just can't believe what's happening right now.

"Okay. So what's the next move? Jeez, are you going to fire me for the sake of your relationship?"

He's watching her intently, he had seen this coming, her getting mad about his decision.

"Well I'll tell you this, you won't have to worry about being the bad guy 'cause the news is I'll be gone sooner than later, they found a lump In my left breast and it's cancer so…"

The words die in her throat while tears cover her face.

He needs to go over her words more than one time before they really sinks in and he realizes the magnitude of the bombshell she has just thrown at him.

Fear is the first emotion he feels, fear of losing her forever, of not being able to see her red locks anymore, to hear her beautiful laugh and then he panics, thinking about what he told her merely moments before, about him and Zoe and not wanting her in his life.

He stands up.

"Donna."

She takes a step back, sobbing.  
He tries to get closer to her.

"Donna."

He reaches his hand to touch her but she just keeps going back, then she turns and runs out of the office towards the elevators.

He catches up with her just when the elevator's doors are closing, he manages to squeeze in at the last second and then fixes his eyes on her.

She's shuddering and sobbing and he thinks he would give anything to take away her pain.

His eyes fill up with tears as he realizes he's the one who made things worse.

"Donna", she tries to control her tears without success, she just watches him, while sobs keeps on crushing her body.

He pulls her to him, one hand finding comfort between her hair, the other at her waist.  
The more he thinks about all of this, the more he feels powerless and he feels the need to have her closer so he just let it go and his head finds his home at the crook of her neck.

It's when the thought of Zoe crosses his mind that he understands that he wants to never let the woman in his arms go away.

All those years together and he was just fooling himself, he had always known that she was the one.

And while her body relaxes in his, her chest pressed against him, their legs tangled together, he lies his lips right there, where shoulder and neck meet, and he feels her tensing again for just a moment before turning her face towards his and letting herself go.

He kisses her while the elevator comes to a stop, it's tender and slow and so different from what they're both used to, so different from the other time.

She closes her eyes and stops thinking.

She doesn't think to the hardness of the days expecting her in the near future, she doesn't think to the caring advises of her mom and dad telling her to just let Harvey go, she doesn't think to the sleepless nights knowing he was entertaining himself with countless women, to all those men in her bed never able to win her heart in the morning, she doesn't think to how he's making her the other woman, about how he was never really hers to have and neither is right now.

She just keeps kissing him, urging for the kiss to became desperate and passionate and hungry while both of her hands are firmly pressed against his chest.

* * *

_Settle down with me. Cover me up. Cuddle me in.  
Lie down with me and hold me in your arms.  
And your heart's against my chest, your lips pressed to my neck.  
I'm falling for your eyes, but they don't know me yet.  
And with a feeling I'll forget, I'm in love now._

_(Kiss Me ~ Ed Sheeran)_


End file.
